Frustrations

I knew there would be drama during my senior year--that was a given--because what would make senior year so different than my other years of high school, except it is the last? What I hadn't anticipated was the huge extent of the drama. I mean, seriously? What gives? At this point I am so over all the high school drama. Just send me my acceptance letters and I am out of here, off to college, off to higher learning, off on my way to becoming an adult. Yet, it is only November. I still have another half of the year to go. Don't get me wrong, I love high school. I love the classes I am taking, the clubs I am involved in, my somewhat appearing social life. But I really hate the drama. Especially stupid drama created by friends that makes no sense.

I mean, get over the fact that the certain guy out there doesn't like you and doesn't want to get married. You're SEVENTEEN for goodness sakes! You have your whole life ahead of you to find "Mr. Right." You can't change how this guy feels about his future just because you feel like it. And it is absolutely ridiculous to change every aspect of your personality for him. I am amazed how you became such a huge environmentalist overnight, yet cannot define what a carbon footprint is. Not to mention the fact that all you can talk about around me is how perfect he is. Or how you ditch me at lunch because of him. It really stinks that you haven't been around, and it is all because of a boy. Also, be happy for our friend that has found herself a great guy. Your jealousy is really apparent, and frankly, quite unbecoming. Stop rubbing it in my face that you have already been accepted into however many schools of your choice, whereas I just submitted my first application. I don't want to compete with you. I don't need anymore stress added to my life. Nor do I need your approval for everything I do. I am a big girl...I can make my own decisions. And just because I can't drop my life to come spend time with you when you deem it necessary, don't get mad. You haven't been there when I need you. And that really isn't fair.

So my goal is to transcend the drama--particularly this one. I am going to distance myself from certain people because my life is too hectic right now to have to deal with everyone else's junk at the same time. I deserve the kind of friends that are there to listen when I need them, not just when it is convenient for them. I need people who make me feel like myself, not some wallflower that doesn't really matter. And I am going to embrace those people that truly make me feel whole because they accept me for what I am, not what they want me to be.

Isn't it Ironic?

Check out my horoscope for the day. Easier said than done. But eerily accurate for how my life has been going.

Catching a cloud and pinning it down is never easy, dear Cancer, and unfortunately, that may be what you feel you need to do in order to keep on track with the energy of the day. Your mind is wandering in many different places, making it difficult for you to maintain focus. Meanwhile the cloud floating overhead is filled with information that you feel you need to grab hold of. In reality, what you need to do is learn how to relax.

On a brighter note, I have found my Drama piece for this year. Gold, I say. Gold.

Senior Year: A Prologue

I can't believe senior year is already three weeks over. I knew this year would fly by, but I never imagined that it would happen this fast. I feel that some of my friends are drifting away. I really don't want that to happen...especially this year, before everybody goes their separate ways. But I also find myself growing closer to people I had drifted away from years ago. Can anyone make sense of that? What is it that makes this so possible, growing away from some of the people you are closest to, yet growing towards some people that you thought you lost touch with? It does not make any sense to me. And to top it off, I want to make this year count. I plan on being involved...almost more so than I have been in the past. I just want to make the most of this year. Really live it up. I hope that everything that is already being pans out for the best in the end. All we can do is dream.

Hooray for Pulling an All-Nighter!

Last night was Prom, and I didn't attend the actual dance. Instead, I threw an Anti-Prom party for a bunch of people who were not going or could not go to Prom. It was so much fun! It was the 2nd annual Anti-Prom, and this year's costume themes were...drum roll please...dress up as your favorite famous idol, fictional or otherwise. It was so cool! I was Princess Mia (See post: Make My Life A Teen Novel) from the Princess Dairies books by Meg Cabot. J was Indiana Jones, S was a pirate, A was a flapper, and there were so many others, I can't remember who they all were!

Well, after everyone else left, J, S, A, and I stayed at my house until midnight playing Apples to Apples (I won). Then we headed over to the school for After Prom (12 am-5 am) where we met K. I had the best time! I felt kind of bad because A and S did not seem to be having the best time. I tried to get them involved, but they wouldn't. It wasn't like there was anything else I could have done. Then, K drove me home and I was in bed by 5:15. I slept until 2:30 this afternoon.

I'll update the rest of you guys at school. I have some AP Chem review to do...the test is a week from Tuesday! UGH!

Happy Randomness!

So, Speech Nat Quals are this Friday and Saturday. I am so nervous. I hadn't looked at my piece since State Quals, and I worked on it for the first time since then today. Luckily, I think that working with Mrs. G today made it about 10 times more powerful that it was before. I am pretty excited...it would be so amazing to go to Nationals without going to State. And I have a decent chance...41 entries in Drama, and the majority of those are probably fillers, and sending three to Nationals. I'll let you guys know how I do as soon as I know myself.

Don't you just love how everything hits you in the face right when you least expect it? Such as actually getting an A on an AP Chem test. But then there are those things you know you have to do in the back of your mind that seem to linger there until it is almost too late. Like my HOBY Junior Staff application, which is due Sunday. Or AP tests, which are just a little over a month away. Ahh, how I long to sit back with a good book.

Speaking of good books, I finished The Picture of Dorian Gray the other day. I absolutely LOVE the ending. All of you MUST read it, just so you can see how amazing it truly is. I think Wilde is one of my new favorite authors...now I just have to read some of his plays.

Well, the procrastinating has been fun, but I really must go clean out my backpack now...you would not believe the junk I have accumulated in it. Ta-ta!

Spring Means...

...a lovely week-long break. But that was last week. And I got onto the computer a whooping total of one time. So, to catch you all up...

I was bored, so I made not one, but TWO trips to Barnes and Noble for books. I was super happy because I was in desperate need of reading material...and this time I was hitting the classics. I bought The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde, Walden and Civil Disobedience by Henry David Thoreau, The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne, and one not-so-classic, The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. I absolutely adore Dorian Gray. Wilde's writing style is fabulous...I can't quite describe it. I love buying new books. It is so exciting, cracking open the fresh spine and turning the pages. My favorite thing about a new book has to be how it smells, though.

Break consisted of locking myself in my room for two days and cleaning EVERYTHING. And going shopping. I've never gone anywhere for Spring Break. I don't really feel that I am missing anything. I much prefer spending a good amount of time in my bed, catching up on sleep.

The cool thing was, I actually had some of my friends in town, too. So one evening, K and I went and saw Blades of Glory. That was an amazing movie. I loved the humor and the plot. It was just a great movie to escape from the world for a few hours. I highly recommend it.

Well, I better be going. I have some little bits of homework to finish, and I hope to get to sleep at a semi-reasonable hour tonight. So, until next time, have fun!

I Must be Physic...

Last Sunday was a good day. A VERY good day. I took my little sister to Best Buy to stock up on new music. Together we purchased four Cd's.

• Boys Like Girls, Boys Like Girls
• The Format, Dog Problems
• Hellogoodbye, Hellogoodbye [EP]
• Corrine Bailey Ray, Corrine Bailey Ray

All are amazing. I am especially excited about Boys Like Girls. They sound so much like All-American Rejects. But better, if that is possible.

But that isn't the best part. As my sister and I were heading to the checkout line, something struck me. I suddenly veered over to the MP3 player section to look for a case for my Zen Vision:M. Cases are so hard to find for my player! And there it was...the pretty pink leather case that I had been ogling on the Internet. Original price: $32.99. Clearance price: $4.99!!! FIVE DOLLARS! So, I of course bought it. There were two, so B and I each got one. I was so excited!

The problem arose when we got home. I put the case on my player, and it worked wonderfully. B's on the other hand, locked up her player because it was too tight. I told her we'd go get her a new one, but she said she wanted to wait for it to stretch out. Needless to say, I get out of my shower and she tells me that it works perfectly, it only took a little bit to stretch it out. That seemed a little fishy to me. Later, in bed I go to play my music and it won't work...she traded cases while I was in the shower. She left before I got up on Monday, so I told my mom and she told me to go find B's player and trade the cases back. It wasn't in her room. She knew that I would call her on it because I am not stupid, so she took it to school--a direct violation of my mom's rules.

What bothers me the most is that this is not the first thing that has gone "missing" of mine. I have a list of things that have disappeared from my room and have mysteriously been "gifts" to B from her friends. I have realized that I have no privacy. Nothing of mine is safe from her. And when I go to call her on it, she gets mad because I am accusing her of stealing. Well, she is stealing! She is taking my things without asking, and not returning them. I don't know what to do...I've told my mom, and she has talked to B, but B denies it every time. As she is wearing one of MY favorite belts. I can't go through her room--that would make me no better than she is. I am so frustrated right now because I will be looking for something that I need for school or whatever, and I can't find it. I've taken an entire day tearing through my room to find something, and then I see it on B's bed the next day. I am so lost as to what I can do.

So, enough of that rant for now. I am so tired, I think I will go watch SNL now. Hope everybody is having a good weekend!

A Moment to Catch my Breath

Oh my goodness. It has been so long since I last posted. So much has happened! It feels nice to be able to sit down and just write for a few minutes. So, now on to my updates:

1. I am 6th alternate for the state Speech tournament in Drama.
2. I am probably attending State. (Not to compete, but rather to support my other teammates)
3. I am going to the Fall Out Boy concert in May. This has made my year.

I honestly can't think of anything else. I have been so insanely busy, yet I can't seem to think of anything that you don't know.

However, I have new music.

• Lily Allen, Alright, Still
• Fall Out Boy, Infinity on High
• Barenaked Ladies, Are Me, and Are Men
• James Blunt, Back to Bedlam
• The Academy Is..., Almost Here
• and more that I can't seem to recall at the moment.

I highly recommend all of these CDs. Superb. So go find them, buy them, and enjoy!

Ah, The Weekend!

I cannot tell you how long I have been waiting for Saturday morning. Somehow this week just seemed to drag on and on, even though we were only at school for four days. I liked coming to school on Tuesday. Maybe we can get Mondays officially abolished, that way every weekend would be a three-day weekend. But that wouldn't work. Tuesdays would become the new Mondays, and life would get even more complicated than it already is. And if this past week is any indication of what four day weeks would be like, I'll keep my Monday through Friday, thank you very much. This week was exceedingly stressful...I had a cold, I had an AP Chemistry test, I had an interview for Youth Commission, and I had a ton of assignments due, and therefore, I could barely get to sleep each night. Last night I went to the AHS vs DCHS football game. We lost horribly, but that can be expected because DCHS is the defending state champion. It was a ton of fun, though. I came home a collasped on my bed...and slept until 10 am this morning. Now, I am just getting ready to have a bunch of people over to work on the Junior class skit for the Homecoming Talent show. Yup, that's right, Homecoming is just a mere two weeks away. I can't wait.

A Bunch of Random Thoughts all Thrown Together

Its been gorgeous the last few days. I haven't seen the sun like this in a good few weeks, but it has been crazy windy. Good weather to fly kites, but mine are all put away. Maybe next time. Ok, I know, flying kites. But it is still so awesome. If you don't believe me, go try it. Yeah, you'll get it then.

So, I have also come to a great conclusion. With the amount of CDs and music that I want to buy, I really need to get a job at a music store (employee discount). I cannot tell you how many CDs I have bought in the last six months, and let me tell you, it isn't all that cheap. Today I bought two new CDs: KT Tunstall's Eye to the Telescope and Fall Out Boy's first CD Take this to Your Grave. Both are incredible. KT is up there with Michelle Branch on my inspiration list.

I saw Rent on Friday. Amazing. I am going to buy that as soon as the prices go down. A must-see musical ("rock-opera" weird, huh?).

I've been writing a bunch of poems/songs lately. I should really start working on the music for them. Its been a year that I've been playing the guitar, and I am really excited about that. For all those that didn't think I could do it: HA! It has become a HUGE part of my life. I can't imagine NOT playing now. I know that it will always be a part of me, and I really wish I could work up enough nerve to play in front of people besides Alex, Lizzie, and my family. I think it would be so amazing to actually get up on stage and just do my thing, but it will be awhile before I can do that. I just need the guts, and that is a huge thing.

In addition to my poems/songs, I've also begun a story. It needs some work, but I hope to devote quite a bit of time to it over break.

I need some opinions. I haven't posted any of my writing because I really don't want it to be ripped off. But I feel that Lizzie and I are the only ones seeing it, and I want to share some of it with more people. What do you all think I should do?

I apologize for being so out there with this post, its been that kind of weekend. Thanks for always bearing with me.

Is it Physically Possible for Snow to be THAT Deep?

Ok, I am a bit ashamed to admit this, but I have never been to the mountains in the winter. Nor have I ever been skiing. And, yes, in fact, I was born and raised in Colorado. It must be some kind of a sin or something. So, I finally made it into the mountains during the winter. I went on a Student Council retreat to Fraser, it was Trischool which meant that it was the Student Councils of Arapahoe, Heritage, and Littleton, having a conference type thing about how we could make things better in our schools. I had a blast, but even now, I am beyond exhausted. It didn't help any that I had to make up a killer history test and the other classes I missed on Friday.

Well, anyway, I have never seen so much snow in my life. It was crazy, the snow covered stop signs and everything! Above is one picture I took up at Snow Mountain Ranch, and here is another I took from the bus on the way back. I just wonder how the heck people can get on top of a mountain to go back country skiing. It makes no sense!

The "Need to Know" Facts of My Life

Ok, so here is a slight update of what is new in my life:

1. I remembered how much I LOVE making beaded jewelry after the Kakos Incident yesterday. (Fine, the title isn't extremely creative, but I am really tired and can't think of what else to call it. Except, of course, GENIUS.) It is like my therapy, and I am so happy I rediscovered it. I made this awesome necklace in 20 minutes last night and am awaiting a chance to go back to Hobby Lobby to buy more supplies.
2. I REALLY have to write my Digital Inkling stuff tomorrow, it was kinda due today.
3. I actually had very little homework tonight, so I got to watch Four Kings and The Office. There hasn't been a Thursday that I've been able to do this in quite awhile.
4. No guitar lesson tonight. I was kinda depressed, but also kinda relieved...I didn't practice at all this week.
5. I realized that you could get them to add peppermint to your hot chocolate at Starbucks. That was incredible. I wonder if they will add it to my chocolate chip blended creme...
6. My magazine is on its way! It was sent back to them because our mailman said I didn't exist. HA! I don't think he is doing his job, I haven't in the longest time, and this just furthers it.

Make My Life a Teen Novel!

I just read the newest Meg Cabot book, Avalon High. Her books are my weakness, they fulfill my need for teen drama. Give me a volume of The Princess Diaries series, The Mediator series, or anything of hers for that matter, and I go nuts. She is what I spend my Barnes and Noble gift cards on more often than not. Yes, I admit, it is slightly sad. But I love them. A lot.

Every time I read one of Cabot's novels, or almost any other teen novel, I start to wonder why real life can't be that way. Ok, again, I must be losing my mind. But if you really think about it, the girl always ends up with the guy, and everything is happy in the end. It makes my life seem boring. I mean, in All American Girl, Sam saves the president's life, becomes the Teen Ambassador to the UN, and finds out that David, the president's son, likes her back, all while becoming an incredible artist and discovering who she really is. The Princess Diaries series is almost the same, except Mia finds out she is the princess of a small European country, then she also gets the guy, in this case her best friend's older brother. Ok, not so realistic, but it really makes me yearn for that kind of life.

I mean, who wouldn't want to get everything they want in the end? Life would be so nice. Call me crazy, but this is kinda my fantasy, to have the perfect teen novel life.

And while I'm at it, a shout out to Meg Cabot--Keep it up, and if you get a chance, could you rewrite my life?

Is There Somebody in My Head Telling Them This?

This is kinda creepy. I was just checking my email, and I have it set so that my horoscope comes up when I sign in. This is what it said for today. Kinda crazy how it really relates to me, I mean, this is me to a T!

"If you have always felt the desire to do something as a writer, dear Cancer, now is the time to take the plunge. You certainly don't lack the imagination! The problem you have may be that you have more difficulties taking your prose seriously. Don't think so seriously about being a "Writer" with a capital "W." Just write! And above all, don't hesitate to let people read what you write. A writer's group would be a great way for you to come out of hiding."

Ready! Set! Break!

Today is the last day of the semester, and man, did this one go by fast! All my finals were decent, and I am just happy that this semester is over. I was way to stressed, it wasn't healthy. So, no more yearbook. Yipee! I mean, it isn't like i didn't like the stuff we did, but I am taking really hard classes and that on top of it wasn't even funny. I had no "ME" time, and when I don't get "ME" time, it isn't pretty. Halfway done with sophomore year, it seems really crazy. Now I have 3 weeks just to relax. Only definites I have are tomorrow...buh-bye braces! I can't wait, I've had them for far to long.

Ah, Snow

I LOVE it when it snows. It gives me a viable excuse to stay inside where it is nice and warm, in my comfy clothes and sit in my big chair and read for hours on end with a steamy cup of hot chocolate by my side. Or just sit and write. Or watch movies. Good comedies or musical masterpieces. It is so cold today, it isn't even funny. The first Saturday in a very long time that I would have had an excuse to stay indoors and I have to venture to Koebel Library for a volunteer thing. I get to go help little kids make holiday crafts for an hour. It may sound stupid, but I really secretly enjoy it. I love seeing how proud they are of themselves when their moms pick them up and they show off their goodies, then they point to me and say "And she helped me make it!" It just feels like I am doing something worthwhile. And it is actually beginning to feel like Christmas...and who knows it may be a white one.

A Confession

Ok. I'll admit it. I am a Girlie Girl. Yes, my favorite color is pink. Yes, I hate camping. Yes, I am not a huge fan of hard rock music. Yes, in fact, I own two poodles, and tiny ones at that. I enjoy Meg Cabot books. I like painting my nails. I like talking on the phone for hours about absolutely nothing. I like reading Jane Austen books.

Fine, so sue me. But I am not afraid to speak up for myself. I am my own person, and I am not about to change who I am.

Little Miss Spontaneity (At Least for a Day)

Okay, so I am not the most spontaneous type of person, but today I even surprised myself. I was at my last orthodontist appointment before I get my braces off (does a little happy dance) and I had to get a power chain on my top teeth. I opted for silver, like I always do because it is far less noticeable than bright colors, but Kari, the girl who always ties my braces, made me stop and think. It is the last time I'd ever be doing this, so why not go a bit crazy and have some fun with it? Well, she convinced me to go with a hot pink power chain and the RaInbow Effect on my bottom teeth, double tying each bracket with two different colors in a rainbow pattern. Without really thinking, I agreed because it sounded really fun. It looks very cool, kind of like having confetti in my mouth as a celebration of being rid of braces in just over 20 days. I can't wait! Only way this day could get better would be if Gilmore Girls was on, but unfortunately it isn't. Bummer.