Arggh You Ready Kids?

So, happy Talk Like a Pirate Day! This has got to be one of the coolest days out of the year, and I forgot about it until I signed into my email today and looked at my homepage, and there it was. I was compelled to send an eCard to all my HOBY group buddies, because we were the pirate group at our conference back in June. I miss HOBY.

One would think that with today being such an awesome obscure holiday, it had to have been a good day. Not so. I am so wiped out, and the only reason I am posting is because I am beyond stressed out and I needed to vent a bit. I technically should be doing some AP Chemistry homework right now, but I can't bring myself to look at it, and instead of surfing my favorite websites, I figured I'd do something slightly more constructive. So here I am. I don't know how else to describe today except for "one of those days." You know the ones I am talking about. Your alarm clock doesn't go off, so you are running late to a before school meeting and therefore forget money for lunch. You stayed up late the night before trying to finish your Trig homework, so you are about ready to fall asleep during 2nd hour as you are watching a quick film. You end up having to stay at the school until 5:30 pm because of some PSAT/SAT seminar you signed up to take, only to come home, rush through a quick dinner, and delve into approximately four to five hours of homework, all the while adding more things to your mental To Do List without ever actually getting to cross anything off. Yeah, I'd say it has been "one of those days."

I just wish I could go back to that weekend in June. HOBY was the best time I have ever had, and I need that pick-me-up from all my groupmates. Plus, cheering at the top of your lungs really helps keep you awake when you are functioning on very little sleep.

ARGHHH!!!!

Ah, The Weekend!

I cannot tell you how long I have been waiting for Saturday morning. Somehow this week just seemed to drag on and on, even though we were only at school for four days. I liked coming to school on Tuesday. Maybe we can get Mondays officially abolished, that way every weekend would be a three-day weekend. But that wouldn't work. Tuesdays would become the new Mondays, and life would get even more complicated than it already is. And if this past week is any indication of what four day weeks would be like, I'll keep my Monday through Friday, thank you very much. This week was exceedingly stressful...I had a cold, I had an AP Chemistry test, I had an interview for Youth Commission, and I had a ton of assignments due, and therefore, I could barely get to sleep each night. Last night I went to the AHS vs DCHS football game. We lost horribly, but that can be expected because DCHS is the defending state champion. It was a ton of fun, though. I came home a collasped on my bed...and slept until 10 am this morning. Now, I am just getting ready to have a bunch of people over to work on the Junior class skit for the Homecoming Talent show. Yup, that's right, Homecoming is just a mere two weeks away. I can't wait.

Junior Year: My Next Frontier

It has begun.

School officially started Thursday. My Junior year. I am now an upper classman. That means I get to sit on the other side of the gym for assemblies. It may not seem like much, but I've been awaiting this day since my first Homecoming assembly as a Freshman. But with this new year comes a lot of responsibility. This is the year that colleges look at. This is it, the year you either make it or break it. My classes are much harder, and in order to balance my time and workload, I had to leave two of my Honors classes due to my two AP classes. For me, it's all about prioritizing this year. I've really begun to focus on what I love and what I want to pursue, and I am working my hardest to make all those dreams of mine become closer to reality. Last year was a real growing and learning year. But, even though I was always so incredibly stressed out, I think in a way it was good for me to experience that. Now I know exactly what I can handle. I know my limits, and when it is possible to push them the slightest bit. I know what is worth it and what is better to not try now, but later. This is my big year, I can feel it. Last year was full of disappointments, but this is the year I am going to work my tail off to make things happen. That's what my HOBY conference in June told me. Just take small steps, and you CAN make big changes. I want to make those changes. I want to be a part of something big...

...and this is the perfect year for me to do just that.

Reflections: What I've Learned

I know it has been so long since I have posted anything--the end of the year is always so crazy and it somehow always manages to sneak up on me when I least expect it. And since it is the end of the year, I have been thinking back on it, just reflecting on everything that has happened. Granted, it hasn't been the best year ever, but I have learned more this year than I ever have before. And it isn't just school-learning. I've learned so much about myself and others.

I've learned that you don't really have a choice in what happens, and sometimes you can do nothing to change it, even if you feel that you must. I've learned the only person you can really trust is yourself...You need to do what is right for you and nobody else. I've learned that you can't keep things bottled up inside of you...you must find a release, let it be writing, music, or whatever. I've learned you need to speak up for yourself and learn to deal with the consequences. I've learned that the more you want something, the more disappointed you will be when you don't get it. I've learned that you can't let disappointments discourage you from making the difference you want to make...It may be a rough road, but it still can be done and you become a better person for still going for it. I've learned that you need to have a few people that you can always talk to...People that will just listen and not judge you for what you say, people who just let you vent or cry on their shoulders. I've learned you need to believe in yourself...By thinking you will do well, you will. I've learned there are some things you just need to get rid of, no matter how much you think you really need them. I've learned that the things that cause you stress are the things you don't need. I've learned that writing and music are my passions. I've learned who my real friends are, and I thank them for always being there for me. I've learned how much it means to others if you sit and let them cry and vent to you. I've learned the importance of sitting around and doing nothing for an afternoon. I've learned to accept what life throws at you but still not to be passive about it either...You need to take charge to help guide you in the right direction.

So many people and events have helped me learn all these things this year. They may not know it--and I may not show it--but they all deserve my thanks and appreciation. Even though it has been a difficult year, it has been the year I have grown the most. Thank you. I don't know what I would have done without your teachings, even if they were inadvertent.

Disappointment is Becoming a Familiar Emotion for Me

So, I haven't posted anything for a while now, and I think that it is time to give you a little update as to what has been going on with me. So, okay, my title isn't the cheeriest thing, but it pretty much sums up the past couple of weeks.

1. I didn't make Link Crew. It may not seem like such a huge deal, but to me it is. I had been looking forward to being a part of Link since 8th grade. True, it seems kinda dorky to be looking forward to something like that for so long, but it was really important to me. All the teachers who wrote me recommendations all said I was a shoe in and there was no way I wasn't going to get in. Well, they were all wrong. And I was stupid to be so cocky about it. I just didn't think it would be possible for me to not get in. But it was, and now I get to wait till senior year to try it all over again.
2. I lost the elections. Yeah, I am not going to be the next Treasurer of the class of 2008. Again, something I have been wanting to do for a long time. Last year I ran for Secretary and lost. I should have known better again. Student Council elections are popularity contests, and I really hate to say that. But it is the truth, so it must be said. So, I will still be on Student Council, but I just wanted to have a bigger role than I have played this year. And if I had held an office this year, I would have definitely ran for an Executive office my senior year. Now I am doubting that. It really stinks.

So, here I am trying to make a difference, but each and every time I just keep getting shot down. It's enough to make me want to give up and just not try anymore. But that isn't me. So I'll just soldier through next year, only being the VP of the Speech and Debate team and doing the HOBY thing in June. I just wanted to do so much more...

Time to listen to my new theme song, "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter...sigh.

A Couple Quick Questions

Why do bad days always travel in groups? I mean, one bad day is bad enough, why do I have to go through three in a row? And I can't seem to make it any better. Have I angered some kind of Bad Day God? What have I done wrong? What did I do to deserve this kind of slow, painful torture? I mean, I have been trying so hard to make it better, but it just seems to keep getting worse and worse. Looking back on the past couple of months, I've had more bad days than good days. Sure, there is the occasional OK day, but I just want to have a GOOD day. Is that too much to ask?

Who Would Have Thought!?!

So Friday and Saturday was the National Qualifying Speech Tournament. I wasn't really as nervous for this one because I didn't think I'd stand a chance, I thought I was going to be eliminated after the first two rounds, like last year. Boy, was I wrong. I made it to Semi-Finals! I was so surprised that I couldn't even talk when I saw that I had one down and one up, that meant I was still in it! These two girls who were incredible were in all three of my rounds, one was from Kent, the other from Creek. They really weren't supposed to do that, but they matched us all up. It turns out I was ranked down and out in the Semi-Finals round, but that was okay to me, I mean, I MADE IT TO SEMI-FINALS!! Oh, and by the way, those two girls I was always up against? Yeah, they are representing our district at Nationals in Dallas in June. They were amazingly funny, but I know that in my second round, I BEAT one of them.

Next, year will be my big year, I can feel it...