Junior Year: My Next Frontier

It has begun.

School officially started Thursday. My Junior year. I am now an upper classman. That means I get to sit on the other side of the gym for assemblies. It may not seem like much, but I've been awaiting this day since my first Homecoming assembly as a Freshman. But with this new year comes a lot of responsibility. This is the year that colleges look at. This is it, the year you either make it or break it. My classes are much harder, and in order to balance my time and workload, I had to leave two of my Honors classes due to my two AP classes. For me, it's all about prioritizing this year. I've really begun to focus on what I love and what I want to pursue, and I am working my hardest to make all those dreams of mine become closer to reality. Last year was a real growing and learning year. But, even though I was always so incredibly stressed out, I think in a way it was good for me to experience that. Now I know exactly what I can handle. I know my limits, and when it is possible to push them the slightest bit. I know what is worth it and what is better to not try now, but later. This is my big year, I can feel it. Last year was full of disappointments, but this is the year I am going to work my tail off to make things happen. That's what my HOBY conference in June told me. Just take small steps, and you CAN make big changes. I want to make those changes. I want to be a part of something big...

...and this is the perfect year for me to do just that.

Reflections: What I've Learned

I know it has been so long since I have posted anything--the end of the year is always so crazy and it somehow always manages to sneak up on me when I least expect it. And since it is the end of the year, I have been thinking back on it, just reflecting on everything that has happened. Granted, it hasn't been the best year ever, but I have learned more this year than I ever have before. And it isn't just school-learning. I've learned so much about myself and others.

I've learned that you don't really have a choice in what happens, and sometimes you can do nothing to change it, even if you feel that you must. I've learned the only person you can really trust is yourself...You need to do what is right for you and nobody else. I've learned that you can't keep things bottled up inside of you...you must find a release, let it be writing, music, or whatever. I've learned you need to speak up for yourself and learn to deal with the consequences. I've learned that the more you want something, the more disappointed you will be when you don't get it. I've learned that you can't let disappointments discourage you from making the difference you want to make...It may be a rough road, but it still can be done and you become a better person for still going for it. I've learned that you need to have a few people that you can always talk to...People that will just listen and not judge you for what you say, people who just let you vent or cry on their shoulders. I've learned you need to believe in yourself...By thinking you will do well, you will. I've learned there are some things you just need to get rid of, no matter how much you think you really need them. I've learned that the things that cause you stress are the things you don't need. I've learned that writing and music are my passions. I've learned who my real friends are, and I thank them for always being there for me. I've learned how much it means to others if you sit and let them cry and vent to you. I've learned the importance of sitting around and doing nothing for an afternoon. I've learned to accept what life throws at you but still not to be passive about it either...You need to take charge to help guide you in the right direction.

So many people and events have helped me learn all these things this year. They may not know it--and I may not show it--but they all deserve my thanks and appreciation. Even though it has been a difficult year, it has been the year I have grown the most. Thank you. I don't know what I would have done without your teachings, even if they were inadvertent.

Disappointment is Becoming a Familiar Emotion for Me

So, I haven't posted anything for a while now, and I think that it is time to give you a little update as to what has been going on with me. So, okay, my title isn't the cheeriest thing, but it pretty much sums up the past couple of weeks.

1. I didn't make Link Crew. It may not seem like such a huge deal, but to me it is. I had been looking forward to being a part of Link since 8th grade. True, it seems kinda dorky to be looking forward to something like that for so long, but it was really important to me. All the teachers who wrote me recommendations all said I was a shoe in and there was no way I wasn't going to get in. Well, they were all wrong. And I was stupid to be so cocky about it. I just didn't think it would be possible for me to not get in. But it was, and now I get to wait till senior year to try it all over again.
2. I lost the elections. Yeah, I am not going to be the next Treasurer of the class of 2008. Again, something I have been wanting to do for a long time. Last year I ran for Secretary and lost. I should have known better again. Student Council elections are popularity contests, and I really hate to say that. But it is the truth, so it must be said. So, I will still be on Student Council, but I just wanted to have a bigger role than I have played this year. And if I had held an office this year, I would have definitely ran for an Executive office my senior year. Now I am doubting that. It really stinks.

So, here I am trying to make a difference, but each and every time I just keep getting shot down. It's enough to make me want to give up and just not try anymore. But that isn't me. So I'll just soldier through next year, only being the VP of the Speech and Debate team and doing the HOBY thing in June. I just wanted to do so much more...

Time to listen to my new theme song, "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter...sigh.

A Couple Quick Questions

Why do bad days always travel in groups? I mean, one bad day is bad enough, why do I have to go through three in a row? And I can't seem to make it any better. Have I angered some kind of Bad Day God? What have I done wrong? What did I do to deserve this kind of slow, painful torture? I mean, I have been trying so hard to make it better, but it just seems to keep getting worse and worse. Looking back on the past couple of months, I've had more bad days than good days. Sure, there is the occasional OK day, but I just want to have a GOOD day. Is that too much to ask?

Who Would Have Thought!?!

So Friday and Saturday was the National Qualifying Speech Tournament. I wasn't really as nervous for this one because I didn't think I'd stand a chance, I thought I was going to be eliminated after the first two rounds, like last year. Boy, was I wrong. I made it to Semi-Finals! I was so surprised that I couldn't even talk when I saw that I had one down and one up, that meant I was still in it! These two girls who were incredible were in all three of my rounds, one was from Kent, the other from Creek. They really weren't supposed to do that, but they matched us all up. It turns out I was ranked down and out in the Semi-Finals round, but that was okay to me, I mean, I MADE IT TO SEMI-FINALS!! Oh, and by the way, those two girls I was always up against? Yeah, they are representing our district at Nationals in Dallas in June. They were amazingly funny, but I know that in my second round, I BEAT one of them.

Next, year will be my big year, I can feel it...

A Bunch of Random Thoughts all Thrown Together

Its been gorgeous the last few days. I haven't seen the sun like this in a good few weeks, but it has been crazy windy. Good weather to fly kites, but mine are all put away. Maybe next time. Ok, I know, flying kites. But it is still so awesome. If you don't believe me, go try it. Yeah, you'll get it then.

So, I have also come to a great conclusion. With the amount of CDs and music that I want to buy, I really need to get a job at a music store (employee discount). I cannot tell you how many CDs I have bought in the last six months, and let me tell you, it isn't all that cheap. Today I bought two new CDs: KT Tunstall's Eye to the Telescope and Fall Out Boy's first CD Take this to Your Grave. Both are incredible. KT is up there with Michelle Branch on my inspiration list.

I saw Rent on Friday. Amazing. I am going to buy that as soon as the prices go down. A must-see musical ("rock-opera" weird, huh?).

I've been writing a bunch of poems/songs lately. I should really start working on the music for them. Its been a year that I've been playing the guitar, and I am really excited about that. For all those that didn't think I could do it: HA! It has become a HUGE part of my life. I can't imagine NOT playing now. I know that it will always be a part of me, and I really wish I could work up enough nerve to play in front of people besides Alex, Lizzie, and my family. I think it would be so amazing to actually get up on stage and just do my thing, but it will be awhile before I can do that. I just need the guts, and that is a huge thing.

In addition to my poems/songs, I've also begun a story. It needs some work, but I hope to devote quite a bit of time to it over break.

I need some opinions. I haven't posted any of my writing because I really don't want it to be ripped off. But I feel that Lizzie and I are the only ones seeing it, and I want to share some of it with more people. What do you all think I should do?

I apologize for being so out there with this post, its been that kind of weekend. Thanks for always bearing with me.

Buh-Bye CSAP!

NEVER AGAIN! I NEVER have to take CSAP again! I just barely lucked out...one year younger and I would be stuck with it for two more years. I mean, I've only been taking these tests for, oh, seven years now, since third grade. Anyway, my brain is dead, so I am going to sleep now...I'll update you later...

Zzzzzzzz.........