S-T-R-E-S-S-E-D--Find Out What it Means to Me

ACK! Finals week is probably my least favorite time of the year. Why create all that stress right before Christmas???? Well, it's better than after Winter Break like some schools have it. This is the first time I've actually had to dink around on the computer in the last two weeks. And that is only because I have one final tomorrow, and if I study any more, I may explode. And we don't want Ashley exploding now, do we? I didn't think so.

With school being half-days, I've had a lot of free time--well, sort of. Today I watched a rerun of Oprah when she was talking to Bono about his new (Product)Red campaign. Wow. I am definitely super interested in that. It is a great way for everyday people buying everyday things to change the world. I am truly inspi(red). I feel a field trip to Gap coming on!

And I finally saw the first of my favorite holiday movies today. You know the ones from like the 1970s, the stop-motion ones that are musicals? I totally love those, and yesterday I was thinking to myself that I hadn't seen any so far this year. After Oprah, I was channel-surfing and I stumbled across Santa Claus is Coming to Town. How I love those movies! One of my favorites is the Christmas donkey one. I don't remember the name, but it is so funny!

Well, I've run out of things to say. So, if I don't update soon, happy holidays! Remember, 'tis the season of giving! (and I don't mean finals!)...

PS You should definitely check out Hoops and Yoyo. They are so cute (see picture above)!

My One Year Anniversary

So, I realized late last night that I had been blogging for one year. I can't believe it! Time has passed so quickly. I just glanced over my past blogs, and I realize now how much this blog has helped me over the last year. It has been there for me through interviews, Speech tournaments, frustration over classes, and really happy times. When I have had no one to talk to, I would just come on and shoot of my thoughts into cyberspace. And I really love it. So, happy one year anniversary to me!

Also, some super exciting news. I get to go to my first concert since Cher's first farewell tour. Yeah, I know, that was a very long time ago, I don't need to be reminded. But on Tuesday I get to go see Barenaked Ladies! Woo-hoo! So I bought their new CD today so I can learn their new songs in time for the concert. I can't wait!

Also, today was HOBY day. I had a meeting with the new nominees and told them how beyond incredible HOBY is. I miss it so much....I have to get working on my community service hours so I can turn in my Junior Staffer application by April 15th. Hopefully I'll get to go back.

And the Panic Begins to Set In

So, Saturday is the final novice speech competition. I've worked with all my "mentees," so I think they are all ready. And I get to go judge. Only thing I am starting to worry about is my piece. I have seven characters, and each has a different voice. Most are variations on a British accent, but then there is the one that is giving me the most grief. A male Italian accent. I've been working so hard on it, but I just can't seem to get it. And then there is the issue of memorization. I keep reading over it again and again, but somehow I just haven't been able to memorize it. And that poses the biggest problem of all. Until I memorize it, I can't work on pops, I can't work on pantomime, I can't work on timing. And it has to be good enough for competition by the 4th. Yes, next Saturday. This is the first year I've had doubts about being ready. I think it has to do with having so many novices that I am helping. Once again I am putting others before myself. And right now, I have a lot of work to do...

The Chilling Possibilities of the Future

I just found a new author to go on my favorites list. Scott Westerfeld is amazing. And when I say amazing, I mean truly and utterly remarkable. He wrote a trilogy that includes Uglies, Pretties, and Specials. The Uglies Trilogy examines our society, not as it is now, but what it has the possibilities to become. Okay, it is Sci-Fi, but it is really startling how much he is satirizing and warning us about.

These books take place in the future, only a century or two away from today. While they are still very young, the children of this society are brainwashed into believing that they are all Ugly until they turn sixteen and they have a special surgery to make them Pretties. The Uglies are treated as sub-humans; they have very few rights and are always seen as trouble makers. This is the basis for the story of Tally Youngblood, a girl who has been waiting for her sixteenth birthday all of her life so that she could be pretty and perfect, just like everybody else. Suddenly, however, she meets Shay. Shay despises the practices of the pretty surgery, and intends to run away, bringing Tally with her. And that is only part of the first book.

These books are truly eye-opening. They take the issues we, as a society, are dealing with today and project the possible consequences our actions may have if we don't change soon. Westerfeld attacks anything from war and conflict to self esteem and the "ideal" image that is forced upon us by the media. He even criticizes the idea if "peace" and what it truly means.

I highly recommend these books. While reading them, I kept noticing the cause and effects that we may not have seen before. And, yes, I do realize that they are fiction, but that doesn't mean we have to write them off as totally pointless. As we all know, the main goal of satire is to bring about change...

Arggh You Ready Kids?

So, happy Talk Like a Pirate Day! This has got to be one of the coolest days out of the year, and I forgot about it until I signed into my email today and looked at my homepage, and there it was. I was compelled to send an eCard to all my HOBY group buddies, because we were the pirate group at our conference back in June. I miss HOBY.

One would think that with today being such an awesome obscure holiday, it had to have been a good day. Not so. I am so wiped out, and the only reason I am posting is because I am beyond stressed out and I needed to vent a bit. I technically should be doing some AP Chemistry homework right now, but I can't bring myself to look at it, and instead of surfing my favorite websites, I figured I'd do something slightly more constructive. So here I am. I don't know how else to describe today except for "one of those days." You know the ones I am talking about. Your alarm clock doesn't go off, so you are running late to a before school meeting and therefore forget money for lunch. You stayed up late the night before trying to finish your Trig homework, so you are about ready to fall asleep during 2nd hour as you are watching a quick film. You end up having to stay at the school until 5:30 pm because of some PSAT/SAT seminar you signed up to take, only to come home, rush through a quick dinner, and delve into approximately four to five hours of homework, all the while adding more things to your mental To Do List without ever actually getting to cross anything off. Yeah, I'd say it has been "one of those days."

I just wish I could go back to that weekend in June. HOBY was the best time I have ever had, and I need that pick-me-up from all my groupmates. Plus, cheering at the top of your lungs really helps keep you awake when you are functioning on very little sleep.

ARGHHH!!!!

Ah, The Weekend!

I cannot tell you how long I have been waiting for Saturday morning. Somehow this week just seemed to drag on and on, even though we were only at school for four days. I liked coming to school on Tuesday. Maybe we can get Mondays officially abolished, that way every weekend would be a three-day weekend. But that wouldn't work. Tuesdays would become the new Mondays, and life would get even more complicated than it already is. And if this past week is any indication of what four day weeks would be like, I'll keep my Monday through Friday, thank you very much. This week was exceedingly stressful...I had a cold, I had an AP Chemistry test, I had an interview for Youth Commission, and I had a ton of assignments due, and therefore, I could barely get to sleep each night. Last night I went to the AHS vs DCHS football game. We lost horribly, but that can be expected because DCHS is the defending state champion. It was a ton of fun, though. I came home a collasped on my bed...and slept until 10 am this morning. Now, I am just getting ready to have a bunch of people over to work on the Junior class skit for the Homecoming Talent show. Yup, that's right, Homecoming is just a mere two weeks away. I can't wait.

Junior Year: My Next Frontier

It has begun.

School officially started Thursday. My Junior year. I am now an upper classman. That means I get to sit on the other side of the gym for assemblies. It may not seem like much, but I've been awaiting this day since my first Homecoming assembly as a Freshman. But with this new year comes a lot of responsibility. This is the year that colleges look at. This is it, the year you either make it or break it. My classes are much harder, and in order to balance my time and workload, I had to leave two of my Honors classes due to my two AP classes. For me, it's all about prioritizing this year. I've really begun to focus on what I love and what I want to pursue, and I am working my hardest to make all those dreams of mine become closer to reality. Last year was a real growing and learning year. But, even though I was always so incredibly stressed out, I think in a way it was good for me to experience that. Now I know exactly what I can handle. I know my limits, and when it is possible to push them the slightest bit. I know what is worth it and what is better to not try now, but later. This is my big year, I can feel it. Last year was full of disappointments, but this is the year I am going to work my tail off to make things happen. That's what my HOBY conference in June told me. Just take small steps, and you CAN make big changes. I want to make those changes. I want to be a part of something big...

...and this is the perfect year for me to do just that.

Reflections: What I've Learned

I know it has been so long since I have posted anything--the end of the year is always so crazy and it somehow always manages to sneak up on me when I least expect it. And since it is the end of the year, I have been thinking back on it, just reflecting on everything that has happened. Granted, it hasn't been the best year ever, but I have learned more this year than I ever have before. And it isn't just school-learning. I've learned so much about myself and others.

I've learned that you don't really have a choice in what happens, and sometimes you can do nothing to change it, even if you feel that you must. I've learned the only person you can really trust is yourself...You need to do what is right for you and nobody else. I've learned that you can't keep things bottled up inside of you...you must find a release, let it be writing, music, or whatever. I've learned you need to speak up for yourself and learn to deal with the consequences. I've learned that the more you want something, the more disappointed you will be when you don't get it. I've learned that you can't let disappointments discourage you from making the difference you want to make...It may be a rough road, but it still can be done and you become a better person for still going for it. I've learned that you need to have a few people that you can always talk to...People that will just listen and not judge you for what you say, people who just let you vent or cry on their shoulders. I've learned you need to believe in yourself...By thinking you will do well, you will. I've learned there are some things you just need to get rid of, no matter how much you think you really need them. I've learned that the things that cause you stress are the things you don't need. I've learned that writing and music are my passions. I've learned who my real friends are, and I thank them for always being there for me. I've learned how much it means to others if you sit and let them cry and vent to you. I've learned the importance of sitting around and doing nothing for an afternoon. I've learned to accept what life throws at you but still not to be passive about it either...You need to take charge to help guide you in the right direction.

So many people and events have helped me learn all these things this year. They may not know it--and I may not show it--but they all deserve my thanks and appreciation. Even though it has been a difficult year, it has been the year I have grown the most. Thank you. I don't know what I would have done without your teachings, even if they were inadvertent.

Disappointment is Becoming a Familiar Emotion for Me

So, I haven't posted anything for a while now, and I think that it is time to give you a little update as to what has been going on with me. So, okay, my title isn't the cheeriest thing, but it pretty much sums up the past couple of weeks.

1. I didn't make Link Crew. It may not seem like such a huge deal, but to me it is. I had been looking forward to being a part of Link since 8th grade. True, it seems kinda dorky to be looking forward to something like that for so long, but it was really important to me. All the teachers who wrote me recommendations all said I was a shoe in and there was no way I wasn't going to get in. Well, they were all wrong. And I was stupid to be so cocky about it. I just didn't think it would be possible for me to not get in. But it was, and now I get to wait till senior year to try it all over again.
2. I lost the elections. Yeah, I am not going to be the next Treasurer of the class of 2008. Again, something I have been wanting to do for a long time. Last year I ran for Secretary and lost. I should have known better again. Student Council elections are popularity contests, and I really hate to say that. But it is the truth, so it must be said. So, I will still be on Student Council, but I just wanted to have a bigger role than I have played this year. And if I had held an office this year, I would have definitely ran for an Executive office my senior year. Now I am doubting that. It really stinks.

So, here I am trying to make a difference, but each and every time I just keep getting shot down. It's enough to make me want to give up and just not try anymore. But that isn't me. So I'll just soldier through next year, only being the VP of the Speech and Debate team and doing the HOBY thing in June. I just wanted to do so much more...

Time to listen to my new theme song, "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter...sigh.

A Couple Quick Questions

Why do bad days always travel in groups? I mean, one bad day is bad enough, why do I have to go through three in a row? And I can't seem to make it any better. Have I angered some kind of Bad Day God? What have I done wrong? What did I do to deserve this kind of slow, painful torture? I mean, I have been trying so hard to make it better, but it just seems to keep getting worse and worse. Looking back on the past couple of months, I've had more bad days than good days. Sure, there is the occasional OK day, but I just want to have a GOOD day. Is that too much to ask?

Who Would Have Thought!?!

So Friday and Saturday was the National Qualifying Speech Tournament. I wasn't really as nervous for this one because I didn't think I'd stand a chance, I thought I was going to be eliminated after the first two rounds, like last year. Boy, was I wrong. I made it to Semi-Finals! I was so surprised that I couldn't even talk when I saw that I had one down and one up, that meant I was still in it! These two girls who were incredible were in all three of my rounds, one was from Kent, the other from Creek. They really weren't supposed to do that, but they matched us all up. It turns out I was ranked down and out in the Semi-Finals round, but that was okay to me, I mean, I MADE IT TO SEMI-FINALS!! Oh, and by the way, those two girls I was always up against? Yeah, they are representing our district at Nationals in Dallas in June. They were amazingly funny, but I know that in my second round, I BEAT one of them.

Next, year will be my big year, I can feel it...

A Bunch of Random Thoughts all Thrown Together

Its been gorgeous the last few days. I haven't seen the sun like this in a good few weeks, but it has been crazy windy. Good weather to fly kites, but mine are all put away. Maybe next time. Ok, I know, flying kites. But it is still so awesome. If you don't believe me, go try it. Yeah, you'll get it then.

So, I have also come to a great conclusion. With the amount of CDs and music that I want to buy, I really need to get a job at a music store (employee discount). I cannot tell you how many CDs I have bought in the last six months, and let me tell you, it isn't all that cheap. Today I bought two new CDs: KT Tunstall's Eye to the Telescope and Fall Out Boy's first CD Take this to Your Grave. Both are incredible. KT is up there with Michelle Branch on my inspiration list.

I saw Rent on Friday. Amazing. I am going to buy that as soon as the prices go down. A must-see musical ("rock-opera" weird, huh?).

I've been writing a bunch of poems/songs lately. I should really start working on the music for them. Its been a year that I've been playing the guitar, and I am really excited about that. For all those that didn't think I could do it: HA! It has become a HUGE part of my life. I can't imagine NOT playing now. I know that it will always be a part of me, and I really wish I could work up enough nerve to play in front of people besides Alex, Lizzie, and my family. I think it would be so amazing to actually get up on stage and just do my thing, but it will be awhile before I can do that. I just need the guts, and that is a huge thing.

In addition to my poems/songs, I've also begun a story. It needs some work, but I hope to devote quite a bit of time to it over break.

I need some opinions. I haven't posted any of my writing because I really don't want it to be ripped off. But I feel that Lizzie and I are the only ones seeing it, and I want to share some of it with more people. What do you all think I should do?

I apologize for being so out there with this post, its been that kind of weekend. Thanks for always bearing with me.

Buh-Bye CSAP!

NEVER AGAIN! I NEVER have to take CSAP again! I just barely lucked out...one year younger and I would be stuck with it for two more years. I mean, I've only been taking these tests for, oh, seven years now, since third grade. Anyway, my brain is dead, so I am going to sleep now...I'll update you later...

Zzzzzzzz.........

The World has a Clearer "Ring" to it Now...

Ahhh, new guitar strings. I feel so much better now. It was actually slightly distracting when I tried playing with brand new strings, I could barely recognize my guitar's sound. I haven't had new strings since...ummm, let me think, its been so long...I want to say June. Yeah, June sounds right. It is such an incredible feeling, having those steel wires reverberate and the whole world sounds so much cleaner, so much crisper. I have been looking forward to this day for about a week now, and now that I have new strings, I feel new. Cheesy, yes, I know, but it is absolutely true. I sound so much better too, and now, as I am sitting here trying to do my homework, I want to just go play for about an hour. Or two. Or maybe even all night. I am incredibly distracted and haven't felt this want--no, it's more of a NEED--to play in so long.

I am going to be completely random now, but what else is new. I just thought I should warn you first, so you don't think I have lost my ENTIRE mind...heehee.

Kakos posted this amazing video to our class blog. I mean, WOW. Here is my comment to it, and I suggest that you all make time (8 minutes, you should have that much time) to watch it. I want to hear what you guys all think. The site is : http://robinsloan.com/epic/

WOW. Am I the only one who thought that that was cool beyond all belief? But then I noticed a problem that relates directly to me. If this were to happen, I would have no future. I really want to go into the journalism profession, and if this were to happen, there would be NO journalism. I also found it incredibly scarey about "Googlezon" creating a personalized story for each user, and the fact that the Supreme Court would rule in favor of it. How could the world function as a whole if each individual got different information? I realize that this is actually a case today, but it is not to this HUGE extent.

Also, what do you think the government would think about this? They actively censor information that is released to civilians. Did you know that the BBC releases international news before we even hear about it in the US? That's because our goverment evaluates the story and only lets us hear what they really want us to. If each person could share information globally, how could anyone keep track of the truth anymore? Each person would put their own spin on an event, causing mass chaos. If this were to really happen, all communications would break down and we would be socially set back many years. It would probably cause the break down of the world's communications infrastructure.

Or maybe I am just being a conspiracy theorist. But I know we are safe to say that it would just be downright BAD.

So Nervous I Can't Even Think Straight!

So, I am leaving for States Quals in a few minutes, and I am going crazy. My voice is barely here, so I don't know how I am going to do. Of all the times to get sick with a sore throat...

Anyhoo, I'll keep you posted...

A New Philosophy

I was just sitting here listening to my music (what else is new?) and I have come up with a new theory. Life would be so much more interesting if it were a musical. I can honestly create a soundtrack of my life based off of the thousand plus songs I have. Or songs I just heard on the radio. And there are just moments in my life where I think to myself, "Gosh, I could think of three songs that I could sing right now that totally make sense." I think it would be awesome for random people to break into song and choreographed dances at any given moment in time. To me, that would be so amazing. And now, because of this revelation, I have begun creating a new playlist; My Life: The Musical. Unfortunately, it will not be a smash-hit on Broadway, nor will it be released in theaters or music stores. But at least I have it, even if it is just for me.

Can Anyone Help Me...It's getting Harder and Harder to Breathe

Have I mentioned how much I hate being sick? Well, yeah, I really hate it. I have this terrible cold, and now I can't breathe very well out of my nose and it is all raw form blowing my nose today. It isn't going away. My mom is getting tired of me complaining...she says I am being worse than a guy. Which I probably am. But I REALLY hate being sick. REALLY.

On a side note, I am getting a new retainer. My orthodontist agreed that the one I had just wasn't working. Hooray for orthodontics! Not really, but bear with me, my cold is affecting my thinking process...

Always Share the Love...and Don't Forget Your Crayons

Happy Valentine's Day! So, I didn't have a valentine, but that doesn't stop me from having fun. Today this motivational speaker came to Arapahoe. He was incredibly funny. It was good, except for the fact of having to sit on the gym floor, yeah, that wasn't fun at all.

Last night I went to Target and went on a music shopping spree. I bought Paul McCartney's Chaos and Creation in the Backyard, Death Cab for Cutie's Plans, and Train's new album For Me It's You. They are amazing. I had one song of each that was stuck in my head, and I've already listened to each CD at least once. I love the songs "Fine Line" (McCartney), "For Me It's You" (Train), and "Cab" (Train). I had to buy the Death Cab for Cutie CD because of the song "Soul Meets Body," I swear it has been stalking me since Kakos played it in class last semester. I've heard it in Gap, on my favorite TV shows, and I think it was trying to tell me something. So I bought it. It is amazing.

I thought today's picture fit. It is something I created while I was just playing around with Photoshop on my computer. I have a ton of pictures like this that I have made since.

Is it Physically Possible for Snow to be THAT Deep?

Ok, I am a bit ashamed to admit this, but I have never been to the mountains in the winter. Nor have I ever been skiing. And, yes, in fact, I was born and raised in Colorado. It must be some kind of a sin or something. So, I finally made it into the mountains during the winter. I went on a Student Council retreat to Fraser, it was Trischool which meant that it was the Student Councils of Arapahoe, Heritage, and Littleton, having a conference type thing about how we could make things better in our schools. I had a blast, but even now, I am beyond exhausted. It didn't help any that I had to make up a killer history test and the other classes I missed on Friday.

Well, anyway, I have never seen so much snow in my life. It was crazy, the snow covered stop signs and everything! Above is one picture I took up at Snow Mountain Ranch, and here is another I took from the bus on the way back. I just wonder how the heck people can get on top of a mountain to go back country skiing. It makes no sense!

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I think that title just about sums up my day.

1. I am coming down with a cold or something. Curse being locked up in school, passing around germs all day long! And it isn't very pretty when I get sick...just ask anybody in my family or my friends, they'll tell you to beware.
2. My retainer hurt. Ok, it may not seem like much, but I couldn't focus in Math today. I couldn't take it out because my case was in my locker. It didn't help that I am having issues with what we are learning, either. And I have a homework check tomorrow.
3. The Dad factor. It isn't a ton of fun right now.
4. History test on Friday. Enough said.
5. My sister has been in a terrible mood lately. She hasn't been the easiest person to deal with the last few days.
6. No magazine as of yet.

But, at least Kakos' class was fun. And Friday I go on a Student Council Retreat in Fraser. Whoo-hoo!

The "Need to Know" Facts of My Life

Ok, so here is a slight update of what is new in my life:

1. I remembered how much I LOVE making beaded jewelry after the Kakos Incident yesterday. (Fine, the title isn't extremely creative, but I am really tired and can't think of what else to call it. Except, of course, GENIUS.) It is like my therapy, and I am so happy I rediscovered it. I made this awesome necklace in 20 minutes last night and am awaiting a chance to go back to Hobby Lobby to buy more supplies.
2. I REALLY have to write my Digital Inkling stuff tomorrow, it was kinda due today.
3. I actually had very little homework tonight, so I got to watch Four Kings and The Office. There hasn't been a Thursday that I've been able to do this in quite awhile.
4. No guitar lesson tonight. I was kinda depressed, but also kinda relieved...I didn't practice at all this week.
5. I realized that you could get them to add peppermint to your hot chocolate at Starbucks. That was incredible. I wonder if they will add it to my chocolate chip blended creme...
6. My magazine is on its way! It was sent back to them because our mailman said I didn't exist. HA! I don't think he is doing his job, I haven't in the longest time, and this just furthers it.

Speech Update

I just checked NFL's (National Forensic League) website and looked up my record. I made my Honor Degree! Yipee! 77 points total, 30 earned this year. I just have to go to two more tournaments, and the letter is mine! Muhaha!

One Small Step for Speech, A Giant Leap for Ashley

Saturday was the Continental League Speech and Debate Tournament at Douglas County High School. I had been working on my Humor piece over winter beak, and I'd also been spending a lot of time with Ms. Graham trying to perfect it. We made a BUNCH of changes, from one of my voices to where I put my intro. At the other tournaments I had gone to I never ranked higher than 3rd in my rounds. Well, I placed 6th overall in Humor. My first round I was ranked 1st. My second round, 4th(I knew my round wasn't as good as it could have been, I stumbled in the beginning and it threw me off). And my third round, I ranked 2nd. It was incredible! My friend Shamita was doing Humor for the first time, so she was freaking out. Not to mention in her first round there was a girl performing her exact same piece. Well, Shamita tied for 1st place! She was stunned. She deserved it, she worked really hard. Ok, I'll admit, I was a tad jealous. I mean, I wanted to place in the top three--not to mention get the medal--, but at least Shamita got 1st. I got another ribbon for my lovely collection. But, hey, there are always other tournaments...

My journey to lettering is getting closer to an end...

Make My Life a Teen Novel!

I just read the newest Meg Cabot book, Avalon High. Her books are my weakness, they fulfill my need for teen drama. Give me a volume of The Princess Diaries series, The Mediator series, or anything of hers for that matter, and I go nuts. She is what I spend my Barnes and Noble gift cards on more often than not. Yes, I admit, it is slightly sad. But I love them. A lot.

Every time I read one of Cabot's novels, or almost any other teen novel, I start to wonder why real life can't be that way. Ok, again, I must be losing my mind. But if you really think about it, the girl always ends up with the guy, and everything is happy in the end. It makes my life seem boring. I mean, in All American Girl, Sam saves the president's life, becomes the Teen Ambassador to the UN, and finds out that David, the president's son, likes her back, all while becoming an incredible artist and discovering who she really is. The Princess Diaries series is almost the same, except Mia finds out she is the princess of a small European country, then she also gets the guy, in this case her best friend's older brother. Ok, not so realistic, but it really makes me yearn for that kind of life.

I mean, who wouldn't want to get everything they want in the end? Life would be so nice. Call me crazy, but this is kinda my fantasy, to have the perfect teen novel life.

And while I'm at it, a shout out to Meg Cabot--Keep it up, and if you get a chance, could you rewrite my life?

Is There Somebody in My Head Telling Them This?

This is kinda creepy. I was just checking my email, and I have it set so that my horoscope comes up when I sign in. This is what it said for today. Kinda crazy how it really relates to me, I mean, this is me to a T!

"If you have always felt the desire to do something as a writer, dear Cancer, now is the time to take the plunge. You certainly don't lack the imagination! The problem you have may be that you have more difficulties taking your prose seriously. Don't think so seriously about being a "Writer" with a capital "W." Just write! And above all, don't hesitate to let people read what you write. A writer's group would be a great way for you to come out of hiding."