Frustrations

I knew there would be drama during my senior year--that was a given--because what would make senior year so different than my other years of high school, except it is the last? What I hadn't anticipated was the huge extent of the drama. I mean, seriously? What gives? At this point I am so over all the high school drama. Just send me my acceptance letters and I am out of here, off to college, off to higher learning, off on my way to becoming an adult. Yet, it is only November. I still have another half of the year to go. Don't get me wrong, I love high school. I love the classes I am taking, the clubs I am involved in, my somewhat appearing social life. But I really hate the drama. Especially stupid drama created by friends that makes no sense.

I mean, get over the fact that the certain guy out there doesn't like you and doesn't want to get married. You're SEVENTEEN for goodness sakes! You have your whole life ahead of you to find "Mr. Right." You can't change how this guy feels about his future just because you feel like it. And it is absolutely ridiculous to change every aspect of your personality for him. I am amazed how you became such a huge environmentalist overnight, yet cannot define what a carbon footprint is. Not to mention the fact that all you can talk about around me is how perfect he is. Or how you ditch me at lunch because of him. It really stinks that you haven't been around, and it is all because of a boy. Also, be happy for our friend that has found herself a great guy. Your jealousy is really apparent, and frankly, quite unbecoming. Stop rubbing it in my face that you have already been accepted into however many schools of your choice, whereas I just submitted my first application. I don't want to compete with you. I don't need anymore stress added to my life. Nor do I need your approval for everything I do. I am a big girl...I can make my own decisions. And just because I can't drop my life to come spend time with you when you deem it necessary, don't get mad. You haven't been there when I need you. And that really isn't fair.

So my goal is to transcend the drama--particularly this one. I am going to distance myself from certain people because my life is too hectic right now to have to deal with everyone else's junk at the same time. I deserve the kind of friends that are there to listen when I need them, not just when it is convenient for them. I need people who make me feel like myself, not some wallflower that doesn't really matter. And I am going to embrace those people that truly make me feel whole because they accept me for what I am, not what they want me to be.

And So It Begins--Or Rather, Continues

This is a little update because I know you all have been missing me terribly and are so lost without any insight into what is new with me.

• At my first Speech tournament (which was Saturday), I broke to finals in Drama. I have never broken to finals before in my previous three years of competition (semi-finals, yes; finals, no). I was so excited that I started to shake and couldn't really breathe. I totally had not anticipated going to finals, considering I had not truly had enough time to prepare. Plus, we were having a difficult time deciding if my piece was a Dramatic or a Humorous piece. Well, I guess it is Drama because I placed 5th overall in Drama! This was such a great tournament for us--we sent three to finals in Drama, two teams to finals in Duo, two to finals in Poetry, and our CX team took 3rd place. And on top of all that, I was able to convince P to do a Duo with me, which is SO exciting because the best Duos in my opinion are male/female. I am so excited for this year...it is going to be the best!
• I am really enjoying reading Crime and Punishment.
• Work is going well, and I like all the people I work with.
• College applications are on their way to being done. I have an interview with CC on Thursday, so we'll see how that goes. I am so excited!

Well, I actually am ahead with my homework at this point, and I may actually get to bed at a really reasonable hour. So, that's all for now, folks. Check back later for pictures from my trip to Mexico from a couple of weeks back. Have a great life until then!

Senior Year: A Prologue

I can't believe senior year is already three weeks over. I knew this year would fly by, but I never imagined that it would happen this fast. I feel that some of my friends are drifting away. I really don't want that to happen...especially this year, before everybody goes their separate ways. But I also find myself growing closer to people I had drifted away from years ago. Can anyone make sense of that? What is it that makes this so possible, growing away from some of the people you are closest to, yet growing towards some people that you thought you lost touch with? It does not make any sense to me. And to top it off, I want to make this year count. I plan on being involved...almost more so than I have been in the past. I just want to make the most of this year. Really live it up. I hope that everything that is already being pans out for the best in the end. All we can do is dream.

Hooray for Pulling an All-Nighter!

Last night was Prom, and I didn't attend the actual dance. Instead, I threw an Anti-Prom party for a bunch of people who were not going or could not go to Prom. It was so much fun! It was the 2nd annual Anti-Prom, and this year's costume themes were...drum roll please...dress up as your favorite famous idol, fictional or otherwise. It was so cool! I was Princess Mia (See post: Make My Life A Teen Novel) from the Princess Dairies books by Meg Cabot. J was Indiana Jones, S was a pirate, A was a flapper, and there were so many others, I can't remember who they all were!

Well, after everyone else left, J, S, A, and I stayed at my house until midnight playing Apples to Apples (I won). Then we headed over to the school for After Prom (12 am-5 am) where we met K. I had the best time! I felt kind of bad because A and S did not seem to be having the best time. I tried to get them involved, but they wouldn't. It wasn't like there was anything else I could have done. Then, K drove me home and I was in bed by 5:15. I slept until 2:30 this afternoon.

I'll update the rest of you guys at school. I have some AP Chem review to do...the test is a week from Tuesday! UGH!

Happy Randomness!

So, Speech Nat Quals are this Friday and Saturday. I am so nervous. I hadn't looked at my piece since State Quals, and I worked on it for the first time since then today. Luckily, I think that working with Mrs. G today made it about 10 times more powerful that it was before. I am pretty excited...it would be so amazing to go to Nationals without going to State. And I have a decent chance...41 entries in Drama, and the majority of those are probably fillers, and sending three to Nationals. I'll let you guys know how I do as soon as I know myself.

Don't you just love how everything hits you in the face right when you least expect it? Such as actually getting an A on an AP Chem test. But then there are those things you know you have to do in the back of your mind that seem to linger there until it is almost too late. Like my HOBY Junior Staff application, which is due Sunday. Or AP tests, which are just a little over a month away. Ahh, how I long to sit back with a good book.

Speaking of good books, I finished The Picture of Dorian Gray the other day. I absolutely LOVE the ending. All of you MUST read it, just so you can see how amazing it truly is. I think Wilde is one of my new favorite authors...now I just have to read some of his plays.

Well, the procrastinating has been fun, but I really must go clean out my backpack now...you would not believe the junk I have accumulated in it. Ta-ta!

S-T-R-E-S-S-E-D--Find Out What it Means to Me

ACK! Finals week is probably my least favorite time of the year. Why create all that stress right before Christmas???? Well, it's better than after Winter Break like some schools have it. This is the first time I've actually had to dink around on the computer in the last two weeks. And that is only because I have one final tomorrow, and if I study any more, I may explode. And we don't want Ashley exploding now, do we? I didn't think so.

With school being half-days, I've had a lot of free time--well, sort of. Today I watched a rerun of Oprah when she was talking to Bono about his new (Product)Red campaign. Wow. I am definitely super interested in that. It is a great way for everyday people buying everyday things to change the world. I am truly inspi(red). I feel a field trip to Gap coming on!

And I finally saw the first of my favorite holiday movies today. You know the ones from like the 1970s, the stop-motion ones that are musicals? I totally love those, and yesterday I was thinking to myself that I hadn't seen any so far this year. After Oprah, I was channel-surfing and I stumbled across Santa Claus is Coming to Town. How I love those movies! One of my favorites is the Christmas donkey one. I don't remember the name, but it is so funny!

Well, I've run out of things to say. So, if I don't update soon, happy holidays! Remember, 'tis the season of giving! (and I don't mean finals!)...

PS You should definitely check out Hoops and Yoyo. They are so cute (see picture above)!

Ah, The Weekend!

I cannot tell you how long I have been waiting for Saturday morning. Somehow this week just seemed to drag on and on, even though we were only at school for four days. I liked coming to school on Tuesday. Maybe we can get Mondays officially abolished, that way every weekend would be a three-day weekend. But that wouldn't work. Tuesdays would become the new Mondays, and life would get even more complicated than it already is. And if this past week is any indication of what four day weeks would be like, I'll keep my Monday through Friday, thank you very much. This week was exceedingly stressful...I had a cold, I had an AP Chemistry test, I had an interview for Youth Commission, and I had a ton of assignments due, and therefore, I could barely get to sleep each night. Last night I went to the AHS vs DCHS football game. We lost horribly, but that can be expected because DCHS is the defending state champion. It was a ton of fun, though. I came home a collasped on my bed...and slept until 10 am this morning. Now, I am just getting ready to have a bunch of people over to work on the Junior class skit for the Homecoming Talent show. Yup, that's right, Homecoming is just a mere two weeks away. I can't wait.

Junior Year: My Next Frontier

It has begun.

School officially started Thursday. My Junior year. I am now an upper classman. That means I get to sit on the other side of the gym for assemblies. It may not seem like much, but I've been awaiting this day since my first Homecoming assembly as a Freshman. But with this new year comes a lot of responsibility. This is the year that colleges look at. This is it, the year you either make it or break it. My classes are much harder, and in order to balance my time and workload, I had to leave two of my Honors classes due to my two AP classes. For me, it's all about prioritizing this year. I've really begun to focus on what I love and what I want to pursue, and I am working my hardest to make all those dreams of mine become closer to reality. Last year was a real growing and learning year. But, even though I was always so incredibly stressed out, I think in a way it was good for me to experience that. Now I know exactly what I can handle. I know my limits, and when it is possible to push them the slightest bit. I know what is worth it and what is better to not try now, but later. This is my big year, I can feel it. Last year was full of disappointments, but this is the year I am going to work my tail off to make things happen. That's what my HOBY conference in June told me. Just take small steps, and you CAN make big changes. I want to make those changes. I want to be a part of something big...

...and this is the perfect year for me to do just that.

Disappointment is Becoming a Familiar Emotion for Me

So, I haven't posted anything for a while now, and I think that it is time to give you a little update as to what has been going on with me. So, okay, my title isn't the cheeriest thing, but it pretty much sums up the past couple of weeks.

1. I didn't make Link Crew. It may not seem like such a huge deal, but to me it is. I had been looking forward to being a part of Link since 8th grade. True, it seems kinda dorky to be looking forward to something like that for so long, but it was really important to me. All the teachers who wrote me recommendations all said I was a shoe in and there was no way I wasn't going to get in. Well, they were all wrong. And I was stupid to be so cocky about it. I just didn't think it would be possible for me to not get in. But it was, and now I get to wait till senior year to try it all over again.
2. I lost the elections. Yeah, I am not going to be the next Treasurer of the class of 2008. Again, something I have been wanting to do for a long time. Last year I ran for Secretary and lost. I should have known better again. Student Council elections are popularity contests, and I really hate to say that. But it is the truth, so it must be said. So, I will still be on Student Council, but I just wanted to have a bigger role than I have played this year. And if I had held an office this year, I would have definitely ran for an Executive office my senior year. Now I am doubting that. It really stinks.

So, here I am trying to make a difference, but each and every time I just keep getting shot down. It's enough to make me want to give up and just not try anymore. But that isn't me. So I'll just soldier through next year, only being the VP of the Speech and Debate team and doing the HOBY thing in June. I just wanted to do so much more...

Time to listen to my new theme song, "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter...sigh.

Buh-Bye CSAP!

NEVER AGAIN! I NEVER have to take CSAP again! I just barely lucked out...one year younger and I would be stuck with it for two more years. I mean, I've only been taking these tests for, oh, seven years now, since third grade. Anyway, my brain is dead, so I am going to sleep now...I'll update you later...

Zzzzzzzz.........

The World has a Clearer "Ring" to it Now...

Ahhh, new guitar strings. I feel so much better now. It was actually slightly distracting when I tried playing with brand new strings, I could barely recognize my guitar's sound. I haven't had new strings since...ummm, let me think, its been so long...I want to say June. Yeah, June sounds right. It is such an incredible feeling, having those steel wires reverberate and the whole world sounds so much cleaner, so much crisper. I have been looking forward to this day for about a week now, and now that I have new strings, I feel new. Cheesy, yes, I know, but it is absolutely true. I sound so much better too, and now, as I am sitting here trying to do my homework, I want to just go play for about an hour. Or two. Or maybe even all night. I am incredibly distracted and haven't felt this want--no, it's more of a NEED--to play in so long.

I am going to be completely random now, but what else is new. I just thought I should warn you first, so you don't think I have lost my ENTIRE mind...heehee.

Kakos posted this amazing video to our class blog. I mean, WOW. Here is my comment to it, and I suggest that you all make time (8 minutes, you should have that much time) to watch it. I want to hear what you guys all think. The site is : http://robinsloan.com/epic/

WOW. Am I the only one who thought that that was cool beyond all belief? But then I noticed a problem that relates directly to me. If this were to happen, I would have no future. I really want to go into the journalism profession, and if this were to happen, there would be NO journalism. I also found it incredibly scarey about "Googlezon" creating a personalized story for each user, and the fact that the Supreme Court would rule in favor of it. How could the world function as a whole if each individual got different information? I realize that this is actually a case today, but it is not to this HUGE extent.

Also, what do you think the government would think about this? They actively censor information that is released to civilians. Did you know that the BBC releases international news before we even hear about it in the US? That's because our goverment evaluates the story and only lets us hear what they really want us to. If each person could share information globally, how could anyone keep track of the truth anymore? Each person would put their own spin on an event, causing mass chaos. If this were to really happen, all communications would break down and we would be socially set back many years. It would probably cause the break down of the world's communications infrastructure.

Or maybe I am just being a conspiracy theorist. But I know we are safe to say that it would just be downright BAD.

Is it Physically Possible for Snow to be THAT Deep?

Ok, I am a bit ashamed to admit this, but I have never been to the mountains in the winter. Nor have I ever been skiing. And, yes, in fact, I was born and raised in Colorado. It must be some kind of a sin or something. So, I finally made it into the mountains during the winter. I went on a Student Council retreat to Fraser, it was Trischool which meant that it was the Student Councils of Arapahoe, Heritage, and Littleton, having a conference type thing about how we could make things better in our schools. I had a blast, but even now, I am beyond exhausted. It didn't help any that I had to make up a killer history test and the other classes I missed on Friday.

Well, anyway, I have never seen so much snow in my life. It was crazy, the snow covered stop signs and everything! Above is one picture I took up at Snow Mountain Ranch, and here is another I took from the bus on the way back. I just wonder how the heck people can get on top of a mountain to go back country skiing. It makes no sense!

Ready! Set! Break!

Today is the last day of the semester, and man, did this one go by fast! All my finals were decent, and I am just happy that this semester is over. I was way to stressed, it wasn't healthy. So, no more yearbook. Yipee! I mean, it isn't like i didn't like the stuff we did, but I am taking really hard classes and that on top of it wasn't even funny. I had no "ME" time, and when I don't get "ME" time, it isn't pretty. Halfway done with sophomore year, it seems really crazy. Now I have 3 weeks just to relax. Only definites I have are tomorrow...buh-bye braces! I can't wait, I've had them for far to long.

The Reliable One

Today was our Yearbook edit day for this deadline. I have noticed that the other members of my group really did no work. I have also come to notice that I have been the one that has gotten the most accomplished outside of class. Today I stayed until 7:30, while the others left around 6:00. They left me with almost everything to do, and even while they were there, they weren't doing much. One of them had her friends come and they just talked and did homework the entire time.

This caused me to think about what makes me the person everybody depends on. I really don't know. Is it because of my work ethic? My leadership? The fact that they know I will not settle for anything less than excellence? It really isn't fair that they expected me to be able to do everything myself. I guess I kind of made it easy for them to have me do the work, the fact that they know that I am a major perfectionist. Maybe I was too willing to come in and do extra work. Maybe next time I will set more boundaries. I have to sleep on it.