Reflections: What I've Learned

I know it has been so long since I have posted anything--the end of the year is always so crazy and it somehow always manages to sneak up on me when I least expect it. And since it is the end of the year, I have been thinking back on it, just reflecting on everything that has happened. Granted, it hasn't been the best year ever, but I have learned more this year than I ever have before. And it isn't just school-learning. I've learned so much about myself and others.

I've learned that you don't really have a choice in what happens, and sometimes you can do nothing to change it, even if you feel that you must. I've learned the only person you can really trust is yourself...You need to do what is right for you and nobody else. I've learned that you can't keep things bottled up inside of you...you must find a release, let it be writing, music, or whatever. I've learned you need to speak up for yourself and learn to deal with the consequences. I've learned that the more you want something, the more disappointed you will be when you don't get it. I've learned that you can't let disappointments discourage you from making the difference you want to make...It may be a rough road, but it still can be done and you become a better person for still going for it. I've learned that you need to have a few people that you can always talk to...People that will just listen and not judge you for what you say, people who just let you vent or cry on their shoulders. I've learned you need to believe in yourself...By thinking you will do well, you will. I've learned there are some things you just need to get rid of, no matter how much you think you really need them. I've learned that the things that cause you stress are the things you don't need. I've learned that writing and music are my passions. I've learned who my real friends are, and I thank them for always being there for me. I've learned how much it means to others if you sit and let them cry and vent to you. I've learned the importance of sitting around and doing nothing for an afternoon. I've learned to accept what life throws at you but still not to be passive about it either...You need to take charge to help guide you in the right direction.

So many people and events have helped me learn all these things this year. They may not know it--and I may not show it--but they all deserve my thanks and appreciation. Even though it has been a difficult year, it has been the year I have grown the most. Thank you. I don't know what I would have done without your teachings, even if they were inadvertent.

Disappointment is Becoming a Familiar Emotion for Me

So, I haven't posted anything for a while now, and I think that it is time to give you a little update as to what has been going on with me. So, okay, my title isn't the cheeriest thing, but it pretty much sums up the past couple of weeks.

1. I didn't make Link Crew. It may not seem like such a huge deal, but to me it is. I had been looking forward to being a part of Link since 8th grade. True, it seems kinda dorky to be looking forward to something like that for so long, but it was really important to me. All the teachers who wrote me recommendations all said I was a shoe in and there was no way I wasn't going to get in. Well, they were all wrong. And I was stupid to be so cocky about it. I just didn't think it would be possible for me to not get in. But it was, and now I get to wait till senior year to try it all over again.
2. I lost the elections. Yeah, I am not going to be the next Treasurer of the class of 2008. Again, something I have been wanting to do for a long time. Last year I ran for Secretary and lost. I should have known better again. Student Council elections are popularity contests, and I really hate to say that. But it is the truth, so it must be said. So, I will still be on Student Council, but I just wanted to have a bigger role than I have played this year. And if I had held an office this year, I would have definitely ran for an Executive office my senior year. Now I am doubting that. It really stinks.

So, here I am trying to make a difference, but each and every time I just keep getting shot down. It's enough to make me want to give up and just not try anymore. But that isn't me. So I'll just soldier through next year, only being the VP of the Speech and Debate team and doing the HOBY thing in June. I just wanted to do so much more...

Time to listen to my new theme song, "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter...sigh.